If someone has betrayed or hurt you then forgiving is going to be one of the hardest things to do. However, doing so will allow you to get over it and the benfits of this are outlined below.

We have all dealt with some form of hurt or betrayal. It’s not uncommon in todays world. Whether something small like not being envited to a party or something that cuts really deep like the one you love leaving you. Nobody is perfect and today it seems as though it is just part of lifes rich tapestry.

Negotiating through the pain

Each time we are hurt we are faced with the question of what do we do with the hurt, how to we process it and how will it affect our lives in the future. When it comes to forgiving and understanding its power and importance perhaps it easier to look at what it is not to forgive, than it is to be forgiving.

What happens when we don’t forgive?

Often our desire not to forgive is based on a belief that to forgive is to some how let the person of the hook .How could we forgive a child abuser, Hitler or any other person that commits a hideous crime. Yet this is based on a lack of understanding of what forgiving really is. To forgive or not to forgive relates to an internal choice of what you choose to hold on to in your own thoughts and feelings.

The toxicity of holding on

If you cannot forgive then you will only hold on to those self-harming feelings of bitterness, anger and betrayal. I say self-harming because that is exactly what these feelings can be when you hold on to them long after the original event. They can hold you back from moving on and ultimately will just leave you feeling miserable day in day out.

A True Story.

A very kind-hearted client of mine told me how she dealt with her husband of 30 years leaving her for a younger woman. She didn’t try to punish him or make his life misery but instead whole heartedly and genuinely tol him that she wished him happiness. Now this was not done for his sake but for her own self preservation. She was so emotionally intelligent that she knew that is she held on to feelings of anger and resentment then she would have a life of misery and a bitter heart. So by forgiving, she was able to avoid years of unhappiness and start on the road to a new happier life.

What our actions mean for others.

When we forgive we are also taking into account that we too may have hurt someone perhaps unknowingly as well. Although your partner may have betrayed you, im sure if you look back through your life you will have also hurt somone or let them down in some way. Nobody is indeed perfect, everybody has their faults and so by forgiving others you are also getting the chance to forgive yourself. As usually what we condemn or judge about others will actually mirror how we judge ourselves.

Delving deep into your heart.

There can be no mistaking the tremendous amount of will it takes to forgive. But it is far better to use your energy this way than to be feeling bitter and angry. These fellings will leave you with nothing. The most important thing when faced with pain and hurt is to reach out from your heart and grasp the liberating power that forgiveness will bring and your mind body and spirit will be free to live a new life.